Coping with Grief During the Holidays: A Comprehensive Guide to Emotional and Physical Well-Being by Jayney Goddard MSc, PG Dip Ed, FCMA FRSM, President, The Complementary Medical Association
The holiday season is often depicted as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for those grieving the loss of a loved one, this time of year can feel isolating and overwhelming. The contrast between societal expectations of happiness and the personal experience of grief can amplify feelings of sadness and loss. This guide offers practical, evidence-based strategies to help you navigate the holidays while prioritising your emotional and physical well-being.
What is Grief and Why is it Different During the Holidays?
Grief is a natural response to loss and is experienced uniquely by everyone. It’s not a linear process, and emotions can ebb and flow unpredictably. The holiday season can intensify grief because it often highlights the absence of loved ones during traditional gatherings and celebrations. Acknowledging these feelings and understanding that it’s okay to grieve in your own way is a critical step towards managing this challenging time.
Grief can be further complicated by the expectations placed on us during the holidays. Whether it’s pressure to attend social events, exchange gifts, or maintain festive cheer, these societal norms can make those who are grieving feel isolated or misunderstood. Understanding this dynamic can help you set realistic expectations for yourself and others during this time.
Practical Strategies to Cope with Grief During the Holidays
1. Acknowledge Your Emotions
Suppressing emotions can make grief feel more overwhelming. Allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, or even moments of joy without guilt. Writing in a journal or confiding in a trusted friend can be therapeutic. You might also consider joining a bereavement support group where you can connect with others who understand your experience.
Recognising and naming your feelings can be a powerful tool in managing grief. For example, if you feel overwhelmed by a family gathering, acknowledge that it’s okay to feel that way. This self-awareness can help you make decisions that prioritise your well-being.
2. Adapt or Create Traditions
Holidays often come with traditions that may feel painful without your loved one. Instead of avoiding these traditions entirely, adapt them to honour their memory. For example, light a candle during dinner in their honour, hang an ornament that reminds you of them, or volunteer in their memory. Creating new traditions can also provide a sense of control and positivity.
In addition to adapting traditions, consider planning a dedicated time to remember your loved one. This could involve a small family gathering where you share stories, look at photos, or listen to their favourite music. These acts of remembrance can foster connection and provide solace.
3. Set Boundaries with Social Commitments
Social gatherings can be emotionally draining when you’re grieving. It’s perfectly acceptable to decline invitations or set boundaries to protect your energy. Be honest with loved ones about your needs. For example, you could say, “I appreciate the invitation, but I may need to leave early.”
Setting boundaries also means being kind to yourself if you need to change plans. Grief can be unpredictable and allowing yourself flexibility can reduce feelings of guilt or obligation.
4. Prioritise Your Physical Health
Grief can take a toll on your physical well-being. Prioritising self-care is crucial:
- Sleep: Aim for restorative sleep by practising relaxation techniques such as Yoga Nidra or listening to soothing music.
- Exercise: Gentle activities like yoga, walking, or stretching can release endorphins and alleviate stress.
- Nutrition: Focus on nutrient-dense foods like vegetables, fruits, lean proteins, and whole grains. Staying hydrated is equally important.
Consider incorporating mindfulness practices into your daily routine. Mindful eating, for instance, can help you stay present and connected to your needs during meals.
5. Recognise and Address Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Winter’s reduced daylight can worsen feelings of sadness. Combat Seasonal Affective Disorder by:
- Spending time outdoors during daylight hours
- Using a light therapy lamp for 20-30 minutes daily
- Engaging in uplifting activities, such as crafting, reading, or watching a favourite film
Additionally, maintaining a consistent sleep schedule and incorporating omega-3-rich foods into your diet can help regulate mood.
6. Honour Their Memory
Finding ways to honour your loved one can provide comfort. Create a memory box, write them a letter, or donate to a cause they cared about. These acts can keep their spirit present during the holidays.
You might also consider planting a tree or creating a scrapbook dedicated to their memory. These tangible acts of remembrance can provide a sense of closeness and continuity.
7. Seek Professional Support if Needed
Sometimes grief can feel unmanageable. If this is the case, reaching out to a therapist or joining a bereavement group can provide additional support. Organisations like Cruse Bereavement Support in the UK (there are similar organisations all over the world) who offer resources to help navigate grief.
Professional support can also provide coping strategies tailored to your unique situation. Therapists can help you process complex emotions and develop tools to navigate grief during the holidays and beyond.
Supporting Someone Else Who is Grieving
If someone you care about is grieving, your support can make a significant difference. Simple acts such as listening without judgement, offering practical help like cooking meals, or sending a thoughtful card can provide comfort. Avoid clichéd phrases like “They’re in a better place” and instead say, “I’m here for you.”
Encouraging your loved one to share memories or talk about their feelings can also be helpful. Sometimes, just being present and available is the greatest gift you can offer.
Finding Hope and Healing
While the pain of loss doesn’t disappear, the holidays can still be a time for reflection, healing, and creating meaningful connections. Healing isn’t about forgetting your loved one but about finding ways to carry their memory forward as you embrace life’s new chapters. Be kind to yourself and remember that it’s okay to experience moments of joy alongside your grief.
Finding hope often involves small, intentional steps. Whether it’s reaching out for support, engaging in a creative hobby, or simply taking a walk in nature, these actions can help you rebuild a sense of balance and purpose.
Resources for Grieving During the Holidays
For more in-depth guidance and support, consider exploring these additional resources:
Professional Support Resources
Grief Support Organisations
- International Resources:
- The CMA – Search on The-CMA.org.uk for Practitioners, Fellows and Training Schools who offer support with grief and grieving.
- United Kingdom:
- United States:
By taking proactive steps to manage grief, you can navigate the holiday season with resilience and compassion for yourself.
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and there is no universal timeline for healing. The holiday season may amplify feelings of loss, but it can also be an opportunity for gentle self-reflection, compassionate self-care, and gradual healing.
Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Whether through professional counselling, holistic therapies, or supportive community networks, you are not alone in your journey. Each moment of acknowledgment, each breath of compassion, is a step towards healing.
Your grief is a testament to your love – honour it, respect it, and be gentle with yourself.
With love and deep affection from us all at The Complementary Medical Association